(another entry from the same journal)
I fell so deep,
I fell so hard.
All I could see was darkness surrounding me.
But You lined my heart with that golden thread tethered to You.
I never once doubted that You were God.
I never doubted that everything You say is Truth.
I always knew You were the Great I Am.
When darkness overtook me, You held me in the palm of Your hand.
My soul cried out in agony.
Every minute that passed by, I couldn’t bear the thought of another minute without You.
But You are the Great Orchestrator!
You had things lined out before I ever reached out and cried for help.
You reached out and met me where I was.
You pulled me from the dark abyss.
You carried me safely to shore.
You surrounded me with people that never gave up on me. No matter how hard I tried to give up on myself.
You kept instilling hope in me, as hard as I pushed You away.
You tugged on that golden thread and I could see glimpses of You again.
But I’d push You away and crawl back in my hole.
But You never gave up on me!
You put strangers in my path to instill hope in me–to bring forth Your light and let it fall upon me, ever so gently.
God, my Father, my Creator, my Master–I love YOU!
Thank You! I need You every minute of every hour of every day!
Use me, Lord, to do Your will! Use me, Christ Jesus, to be a light to others who are drowning. Guard my heart, and place a gate over my mouth. Do not let me get in Your way. I surrender myself to You, Oh Lord, use me how You desire.
I surrender to You my actions, my thoughts, my body, my soul, my tongue, and my pride.
Help me, Father, to step out of Your way and let You shine!!!
Thank You, Jesus!!