Show me the way, Lord!

Part of my prayer last night was to show me what He wants me to do with this vision that He has given me over the last few years—something I stepped out in faith to start recently, but I feel so stagnant and like I am not going anywhere with it.  I told Him that I realize it is all in His timing, and I trust Him.  But I am ready to move when He says to move.  I just asked Him to lead me and put the path before me and help me walk in it—because right now I’m at a standstill and I am starting to doubt that He even gave this vision to me.  But I know He did.  I know it.  I just don’t know what to do–yes, maybe I do.  Just wait for His leading to do the next step.

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I was thinking about the homosexual agenda in America and I was thinking about the church and how there are those that are “beat-people over the head” intolerant, and stagnant, for lack of a better word—uptight Christians who go down a checklist of right and wrong and fight against the homosexuals because it isn’t right—all the while, relishing in the sins that they choose to partake in, willingly.

*This was me for a period of time*  Yes, for a period of time, I had given into the beat-people-over-the-head mentality that some seemed to demonstrate to extremes.  I became one of them.  Even though I’ve been delivered from that lifestyle myself, I was letting that wall that I had built around my heart and around my life (yes even my former, Before Christ life) to dictate what came out of my mouth.  I was too afraid and too ashamed to come out and say “I was there once, myself.  I have been delivered from the homosexual lifestyle by Jesus Himself!”  Because I was so afraid of what others–not the non-Christians, mind you, but my fellow Believers, my brethren, my brothers and sisters in Christ–would say.

And then there are those that just say “ah it’s okay, we live under grace, and so it doesn’t matter”.   That is a lie.

I’ve never agreed with that mentality, though at times in my rebellion and in my desire to go back to my old ways of life, I have tried to convince myself that it could be done—that you can be living a life completely against God and yet be a happy Christian, walking with Him and ministering to others.  I found it to be a blatant lie of Satan, straight from the pit of hell.  Because, in my rebellion—no matter if it was outright living in sin, or even during the days where my mind would wander down those roads—though I kept my body from repeating those actions—I was miserable. I was miserable because I was grieving the Holy Spirit of God.

At times, I wanted nothing more than for Him to come and remove the desire from me.  I wanted nothing more than to be fully wrapped up in His arms and surrendered and submitted to His magnificent Love.  I wanted to be in His presence—nowhere else.  Not in the presence of another woman.  Not in the presence of the gay bars, etc.

And at other times, when the thoughts would be so strong and the feelings would come surging through my body, I got completely distracted and thrown off.  You see, it was either-or for me.  I would either love God and want Him and desire Him entirely—or I found myself pushing Him completely to the back-burner and relishing in the thoughts that pervaded my mind.  Even if I didn’t act on them.  There were times that I did act on them—and in those moments, I was just thrown deeper into the chasm of my mind, into the lies that Satan was whirling around inside my brain, trying to get me to agree with.  And I came so close to agreeing at times—only to be sent a message from God during the darkest hours that it was wrong, and I could not continue down that path.  He called to me and brought me back to Himself, through much prayer offered up on my behalf, because I was lost in such a stupor that I couldn’t think for myself, much less pray for myself.

Back to this morning, as I am getting ready for work, I began thinking: “what are we do to?”

What am I to do, as a former homosexual, to reach those that either don’t know Jesus personally, or those that call themselves Christians, and yet walk blatantly against God, lost so far deep in the chasm of their minds to the perverseness of evil, so that they do not feel that it is wrong anymore?

What are others to do?  Others that do not know firsthand this struggle, this inner turmoil of the heart and soul and mind.  Others that sit there in the pew on Sunday and applaud the preacher that slams his fist down on the podium, yelling and screaming that homosexual behavior is wrong and that homosexuals will go to hell?

Well, my response is this:  It’s a mixture of compassion, and deeper compassion. 

We were all once liars, cheaters, scandalous creatures.  We were once ___, ____. and even ____.  But we were washed, cleaned, justified and are being sanctified in the blood of Jesus Christ.

We are no longer those things. So how can we continue in them?

We can’t, without being convicted in our hearts and minds that it is wrong.  Because the Holy Spirit lives inside, and He will not let us continue in paths that are unholy without bringing to our minds that what we are doing is wrong and that we are grieving God.  It is up to us to follow His prompting, and repent of our ways and turn back to Him.

Those that do not have that conviction at all—need to fall before Jesus and ask Him to renew their hearts.  To bring back the conviction.  OR, to just ask Him to come and live inside them for the very first time. offering up their lives to His control.

It’s not right.  Truly.

And yet, the only way to win those to Christ who are living in this lifestyle is for someone to walk alongside of them, to help them realize that Jesus can deliver them from those feelings.  I still dare say that most people (at least from my age on up) do not want to be this way.  And I do believe it has so much to do with the society in which we were raised.  In the society we were raised in, homosexual behavior was not tolerated.  It was not promoted, and it was not idealized.  Therefore, we didn’t want to feel like this because it wasn’t “right” by society’s standards.  (at least, the majority).

However, over the years it has become so commonplace and promoted and idealized and fantasized that I think we have lost all sense of it being “wrong”.

I put “right” and “wrong” in quotations because, I did not know Christ as such a young age—and yet, because of society, I knew that it was not tolerated and I wanted with everything in me NOT to be that way, so that I would not be ostracized.

My fear now is for those that have never known Christ, who don’t know that this is a sin against God—who don’t know that it is wrong, because society has taught them that there is nothing wrong with it.  Because they have been taught by society that it is to be praised and idealized and promoted.

Will they be able, like me, to come to the Cross of Christ, and plead with Him to fully take it out of their hearts, their minds, their bodies?  To deliver them from those feelings, to come into their lives and into their hearts, and cleanse them and purify their every wrong thought and desire?  Because, in their minds, will they even truly understand that it is sinful and it is wrong?

How will people know, unless people are sent to proclaim the Word?

I have said many times, “I would not vote for laws that make stealing legal.  I would not go outside of Wal-Mart and applaud the guys that come out, robbing the place.”  But yet, we are doing this very thing by making same sex marriage legal in this country.  We are applauding sin.  We are applauding the insolence in this country—the hating of God.  We’ve done it before with abortion and divorce without cause.  We are doing it again with the homosexual agenda.

But from my viewpoint, we also cannot beat people over the head.  If we do that, what are those caught in this lifestyle going to do, other than hide?  Maybe even hide in churches they create just for them, that promote same sex partnerships, “marriages”.  Churches which have some truth but also are leading people astray from The Truth.  When we go beating people over the head with the Bible, we are doing nothing but playing an adult-sized version of Whack a Mole.  If we want people to be delivered and set free in Christ, then we have to go to them in love, and let them know that there IS a WAY out.  And His Name is Jesus. 

He has shown me this in recent months.  It’s been very recent that He has allowed Satan to buffet me, in order that I might regain my sense of compassion for those that are caught in this lifestyle–my former community.  He has taught me that I cannot join ranks with those that are screaming and yelling from the pulpits–that is only going to turn away those who legitimately want to be delivered and set free, but who feel ostracized even walking through the parking lot of the church, all the while hearing the preacher beating his hand on his podium and yelling.  No way would anyone even walk up to that door and open it.  No, they would just keep on walking.  But if someone, like myself, were to approach others in love and compassion and sincere faith, allowing the love and the grace of God to pour from their eyes, hearts, hands, and words–that same person might feel His love and melt in His presence, as He ministers to them, through us.

No matter the sin, no matter the lifestyle that is lived—whether it be a lifestyle of drug abuse or lying and stealing and cheating and a whole list of things—or if it is a matter of homosexual lifestyle, the end results are all the same—no one will see heaven and no one will get to live eternally with God in complete happiness, joy, peace, and love until they have accepted Jesus into their lives.  Even the sin of self-righteousness.

So, as Christ followers, if we are to win people to Christ Jesus, we must first have open hearts and open minds to come gently into their presence and speak the words of truth.  The truth that Jesus is the Only Way.

And the Truth that without Him, we cannot live above sin.  Without the Holy Spirit guiding us from within our hearts, we cannot overcome this world.  No matter the temptations, we are not overcomers unless and until we submit and surrender our lives to Jesus’ Lordship and complete control.  Only then can we live in victory over this world and all of its’ lusts.  Only then will we be eternally sealed for the day of redemption.  And only then will we have the conviction in our hearts when we begin to walk against the Law of God, and the reassurance that He is still there, waiting for us to come running back into His arms.

So let us, in grace, and in Truth, worship Him and help others to see Him through the light that He manifests through our hearts, our eyes–His love in action.  Let us offer others hope and a way out of the lifestyle in which they are entrapped—THE Way, the Way of Jesus Christ, Himself.

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