So, the burden that God has been calling me toward over the last year—or three–has literally been placed right in front of me this past week.
I have tried to work “in that direction” over the last several months, intentionally working toward fulfilling what He has laid on my heart to do. I have been thinking that the main thing I need to accomplish this burden is to go back to school, despite the obstacles that come with that, and get my degree in counseling, and at least a minor in Biblical studies, so that I can pursue wholeheartedly the mission that He has set before me.
But this last week—last Thursday actually, the day before the Supreme Court ruling, I had one particular conversation with a dear friend that sparked this desire to a new level. I knew then that I had to do something! I could not wait any longer.
When I hung up the phone, I cried out to God and asked Him, “what do You want me to do? I don’t even have a degree yet!” And He so graciously reminded me of my prayer that morning “Use me, Lord! I will go where You call me to go, and I will speak to whomever You call me to speak to. I just want to be Your vessel. Use me!!” I hadn’t prayed that in quite awhile, honestly. I think I’ve been a little hesitant to. But, I had seen my burden growing stronger over the last few months. And then all of a sudden I was losing focus on it, and I wasn’t sure if that is what He wanted me to do anymore.
I was starting to doubt that I had heard Him correctly. So my cry was more out of desperation for direction and to push me forward to the next step, than anything. And boy, did He! That entire day, even after that powerful prayer that seemed to come out of nowhere, I had begun doubting that I was on the right track after all. That maybe I had completely misunderstood Him and the burden He had given me.
What was He calling me to do then, if not that?” I thought.
I had no way of knowing that the Supreme Court would rule that next day. Honestly, I had even forgotten that the ruling was even coming up–(I don’t watch TV at all, and I should really stay more focused on what is going on in the news–I guess. But I really don’t like to.) I received a phone call that evening that was the confirmation, and answer to that prayer I had just prayed that morning! Someone was needing the help that I had been burdened for over these last months–years, actually, ever since He had given me new Life. But the only help I could give would have to be solely from my previous life experience.
That was Thursday night. Friday, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex ‘marriage’. I’d rather say the word “commitment”, because this is not marriage by God’s definition–and that is what I go by.
The burden that had been burning in my heart over the last several months was coming to fulfillment, to fruition. All of a sudden, I saw an even bigger picture–the greater need, the desperation in America. The desperation to go to battle–spiritual war–for people who were going to end up being trapped by the lies that Satan was weaving together. Someone has to do something. And I know I am just one of many that He has called to this battlefield.
I knew the war was just beginning. And I am so thankful that I reached out to a dear friend and mentor at my church early in the week who gave me some very strong, sound advice–“gather together the people in your inner circle and have them start praying for you. Because the enemy is not going to like this. You need to be surrounded in prayer.”
Ever since she made that comment, I knew what I had to do. Not all the people in my circle knew my history, my story, my testimony. But, they would have to know–those in my innermost circles, at least. Because I needed them to come alongside me and pray for me. I knew I needed to ask them for continued prayer, for protection from the enemy. Because I knew it was gong to be an uphill battle.
And one that I am so very grateful that He has called me to, and that I am willing to fight–but this is a battle I have to fight on my knees. I only have to remember to be submissive and surrendered to His will, and He will lead me through the battlefield. Though I may get bruised and beaten up a little from trying to fight the battle on my own at times, He will make sure that I come through alive on the other side, when I am submissive to His leading.
Tonight as I was sleeping, it was storming–or had just started to. It was raining at least, when I woke up at 1 o’clock. But that was not what had left me scrambling for my eyes to be open. God actually pulled me out of that deep sleep, out of that dream. Because the dream I was having was purely an attack. It was the most vivid dream I have ever had—-I think, ever. I can still recall details that I don’t need or want to recall.
As I lay there with my eyes wide open, in shock at what I had just dreamed, I thought “how does this happen, and here I am fighting against these very things? My burden has been the complete opposite of this—-” and all of a sudden, it hit me. This is a war! And I have been called into battle. And i have chosen to take that step of faith for my God, my Father, my Lord and Savior. To stand for righteousness and holiness, no matter the cost.
And so the enemy has started to attack. And this is only the beginning. But I will put on my Armor, and the enemy will not win this battle! (I know, I’ve looked ahead–Jesus Wins!!! and Satan loses.)
And I do believe Jesus will be coming soon!!
The Armor of God
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. 14Stand firm therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR LOINS WITH TRUTH, and HAVING PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15and having shod YOUR FEET WITH THE PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17And take THE HELMET OF SALVATION, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, 19and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
But God is good, and God is my Protector, my Defender, my Shield, my Weapon! He woke me up in the middle of that dream, right in the nick of time. And I had to get up and start reading about Nehemiah–post to follow on Nehemiah 7 notes from church a few weeks ago, to remind myself–the battle has only begun.
6Blessed be the Lord!
For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.
7The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
and with my song I give thanks to him.