You must master it

Genesis 4:6-7 (NASB) 6 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”

I’m learning this lesson currently about listening to the Lord when He nudges you to do something. I hate to admit it, but it’s a lesson I’ve failed at learning many times in the past. I think as children of God, we all struggle in this area to some extent – acting when we get that nudge and not questioning the nudge or putting off the task at hand.

Yesterday I heard a secular song on the phone when I was on hold with a company, and I hadn’t heard that song in years. I went to look it up and listened to a couple different versions of it. I was enjoying the way it transported me back to an earlier time in my life where I was a bit more carefree – albeit a still lost child of God. I was actually thinking at the time “I don’t even feel the heaviness / drawing away from God that I normally feel when I listen to secular music. I guess because it’s not too bad of a song. There’s just a couple lyrics that are not in line with Him.”

Funny thing about God is that He will get our attention when we are wandering off from the fold. He warns us. Right after that, a video popped up by Colton from Seeking Wisdom Ministries – a video from a month ago that I never saw or listened to. He was speaking of this very thing – how secular music can open a door for the enemy – it’s not even necessarily due to the lyrics but the spirit under which it was written and sung, etc. If the god of this world was involved in it at all, it opens a door when we as children of the Living God open our hearts and ears to listen to it.

I was a bit taken aback how quickly God was speaking to me – and yet I questioned if that was really from Him. After all, I’m thinking “but the song wasn’t that bad…” (I’m stubborn.) I did ask for forgiveness but I don’t know that my heart really felt that I needed to. I just stopped listening to it and listened to other things and praise/worship music after that. The day was okay but I didn’t really feel His anointing on the day too much.

I got home last night and things were pretty normal / typical. I was, however, angry that my dog can’t ever learn her lesson on going outside to potty. It’s been over a year and a half and she’s still going in the house and I don’t know if anything will break her of it. Certainly nothing I’ve tried thus far. Anyway – the evening was fine other than that, but then I heard the spirits of anger and bitterness and rage next door, again. I heard my neighbor yelling at his kids and I began praying asking God to intervene before they got hurt. I also began praying against the spirits and commanding them to leave in the Name of Jesus. Things seemed to settle down over there pretty quickly.

It came across my mind (a gentle nudge) that I needed to get up and anoint my half of the duplex, to bless it and call on Holy Spirit to come and fill my home and cast out any spirit of darkness there. I didn’t act. I figured I’d do it later – and then I forgot.

This morning I woke up when my alarm went off, got up and went to start making some coffee after letting the dogs out. There again was the gentle nudge to anoint my home, to bless it and call on God to come and fill my home. I didn’t act. I put it off, thinking I would do it after a bit when I got done praying, etc etc. Then, like before, I forgot. I prayed and then sat down to read scripture, and actually got caught up in looking up some things in the concordance. Then I got ready for work, and went to let the dogs out.

When I went to let them in, I was pretty sure that I could tell that Kiki hadn’t gone potty outside – I know her looks and her actions. So I commanded her to go, and stood out there with her. She acted like she had to for a brief minute (usually a dead giveaway that she has to but is holding it). I got so frustrated with her after a half hour of telling her to go, and her ADHD mind getting distracted by a hundred things in the process. I lost it. Let’s just say she got severely warned that *today I would not be having it*. (She’s gone inside every morning this week as soon as I leave – I’ve caught her right after the fact twice and another time when she was about to go.) I’m so worn out and weary from her antics.

The spirit of anger that was next door last night and had tried to make its presence known in my side of the duplex last night was now raging in my home. In me. I hadn’t headed the voice of the Lord last night or this morning in anointing my home, myself, or my dogs. I had cracked that door yesterday by listening to secular music that didn’t even seem like I was cracking a door. I can see it in retrospect- because even in the recent past when the spirit of anger and bitterness and rage is next door, it doesn’t come over to my side. It couldn’t before. It had no door of opportunity. But I cracked that door and I didn’t completely repent from that music, and I didn’t heed the voice of God when He nudged me to anoint my home – last night or this morning. As soon as my neighbor left to go to work this morning, that spirit hung around and came right over to my house, and entered me. Now I know that I must say some prayers of deliverance and anoint my home today.

After all of this came to my realization, Holy Spirit reminded me of this verse – Genesis 4:6. For the first time I actually felt myself standing there hearing God say those same words to me. And at the same time, I began to praise God in my heart for His mercy and His grace. Thank God for His forgiveness – I’d be hopeless without Him.

Genesis 4:6-7 (NASB) 6 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”

Lesson hopefully learned this time. Why am I angry? (What door have I opened to the spirit of darkness?) If I do well (follow those gentle nudges instantly), my countenance will be lifted up. (Holy Spirit will come and fill this place and cast out all the darkness). But if I do not do well (put off His gentle nudges, question when He speaks), then sin is crouching at the door (we have to open the door in order for Satan to get in – he has no authority over us, and can only get a grip on our emotions and actions if we allow him to by opening a door for him to enter. Do not give the devil a foothold.) You must master it. (Listen and heed the voice of God as He nudges you to take the next right step – He will guide you into all truth.)

Praise God for His mercy!

The Dark way to the Light


A web of lies had led me to where I stood.  Broken. Confused. Scarred.

Many a battle fought—none ever won.


It was a raging war inside me.  The struggle to mingle the outside world with the internal desires of my heart. Continue reading “The Dark way to the Light”

Encouraging my soul

These videos have been encouraging / beneficial in my life in the past week. I felt like making a post since I hadn’t done one in awhile.

The Keys/Doors video is one that I found a LOT of freedom in last weekend, upon praying the prayer at the end. I have felt like a brand new person ever since listening to it and praying that prayer.

I feel like the question of my eternal security has finally settled down deep in my soul (finally passed from the mind down to my heart).

Money can’t buy that kind of peace. Talking to Abba Father this evening, I asked why it took me 8 years to finally come to that realization that He was and always has been with me. I didn’t really know if He’d answer me, but I seem to have gotten two answers in my spirit:

1) lack of faith and I didn’t pray for faith, even though it is a gift of God. I just felt like I had to figure it out/muster it up on my own;

2) He let me finally come to that deep rooted conviction down deep in my soul now because of these perilous times about to come, and He knows that after being distant for that long, and now that I’ve finally come to that deep settling in my soul, I won’t doubt His presence when I start going through the trying times ahead. (Like my “big sister” says, “when you know that you know that you know”.)

Coping with crisis – The pastor is talking about God being with us as we go through the problem- He doesn’t always take us out of the problem but He does promise to go through it with us. (Ark, Babylonian exile) .. I was telling Jesus right before I got to this part of the video that “I’m here ________, and I need to be way over here ________ on the other side of this huge gap, and I have been trying to figure it how to get there in my flesh, and that’s why I have been spinning around and around, unsure what direction to go in.” I told Him now I realize I had had a lack of faith that He would give me the tools to get from one side to the other. That He would guide me in every step of the way. I confessed these things to Him and asked forgiveness for my lack of faith and trust in Him alone.

That’s when He answered my above question in my spirit. Why it had taken 8 years for me to finally “get” that He was/is/and will be here, forever. Forever. Forever.

Because, had He let me instantly regain my faith, and realize years ago that He was surely there all along, I would have taken His presence for granted, and at times, I might be tempted to doubt once again that He was there (when I needed Him most) and been fearful that the few experiences I’ve had where I felt Him near over the years since my fiery trial was all just a figment of my imagination.

But He allowed it to last that long so that I would know without a doubt now —- even during the Red Sea Moments —- that He would still be right there beside me.

Indescribable Jesus

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the love of Jesus that all you wish to do is to be next to Him, even if it meant forsaking life itself? If it meant giving up relationships and material possessions just to be in His presence, you would, because compared to His great Love, nothing else could ever compare. Ever. Let me say it again- EVER.

Have you felt that kind of love before, washing over you so completely that He cleanses every crevice of sin hiding in your life? In that space, every hidden place is laid open and bare, cleansed by His blood.

How long has it been since you’ve felt such an outpouring of His love that you were overwhelmed like that? Do you miss it?

Return to Him. You’re only “One Step Away” as Casting Crowns sings.

Just stop.

Turn around.

Remember from where you have fallen.

Ask Him to help you come back. Because in this space, it’s so hard to make that decision. It’s in this space that our hearts wish to go one way, even though we have experienced and know the Truth. Our hearts which are desperately wicked pull us deeper and deeper into the pit, following our desires that are in opposition to Him.

But that faint cry in our spirit calls out inside us. We wake up early in the morning, our spirits crying out for Jesus to grab hold of us and pull us close again. But our hearts are attuned to the flesh and we turn over and bury our head in the pillow.

But He doesn’t give up. Even when we deny Him, He cannot deny His Spirit that lives inside of us, that calls out to the Father for help. He pursues us, He follows us into the deepest pits that we have walked willingly into, and He waits for us to turn around and reach out to grab His hand.

In that space, our numbness takes over and our eyes search for Him in the darkness. Our hearts fail us and we are weak, but we know that the life we have been living isn’t bringing any joy to our bones. The sin we hide eats away at us and continually drains us. We know the Way out is Jesus, but we have gone so long in the wrong direction, how will we ever find out way back Home?

And then

We sink to our knees, finally succumbing to the desperation of our situation. Knowing that we need to get back Home to Jesus, but we don’t have the strength to even turn around to face Him.

That’s when He comes. He picks us up, and He carries us. He holds us close and points us in the direction we need to be walking. He brings us back to His Word, the lamp to our path. He speaks His Life into us again as He holds us close and sheds a tear or two that He has had another wandering sheep return.

All the while we thought he was likely angry at us for disobeying and going our own way. And yet, when we are back in His arms again, we realize for the thousandth time that no, He was right there, He was following us, never letting us out of His sight, and shedding a few tears along the way because we stubbornly weren’t listening to Him. We were trying to do it on our own and weren’t paying attention to the Spirit’s cries from within us that were calling out to Him to come and save us from ourselves.

When you’re tired of running, stop. Turn around, He is there waiting to lead you back Home again and fill you with His love so profound that you wonder why you ever left His side.

Impossible Things -Chris Tomlin

High Winds

Growing up in the panhandle of Texas, this is not an uncommon word to hear.  “The wind is something else today! You can hardly stand up!” or, “I’m so thankful that the wind is not bad today! It’s such a beautiful day!”

Growing up, I remember it cutting through me to the bone in the winter time.  It was merciless.  In the summer, it howled through the cracks in windows and doors.  It roared outside with a fierceness that left a person wanting to escape—into another state, country, or at least a whole other world mentally.  Continue reading “High Winds”

I am making all things new..

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:18-19


I’ve once again found myself calling out to God to help me regain my spiritual footing. Asking Him why I have continued to mess up, time and time again—and at times, overwhelmed by His faithfulness through it all.  Continue reading “I am making all things new..”

Daddy’s Hands

“Daddy I broke it,” I said as I handed Him the pieces. My face was wet with tears and I couldn’t look Him in the eye. A tear escaped out of the corner of my eye as I took a fractured breath. 
“Give it to Me, child” He said and carefully removed the jagged pieces from my curled fingers. 
My Father took His time, gently putting each piece back in its place and soldering it back together with the precious golden solder that He had for moments such as these. 
When He was done, He placed it back in my hands. Eagerly accepting it, I grabbed it in both of my hands, wanting to once again hold close the gift He’d given me. Yet, there was a part of me that was hesitant. I wasn’t sure if it was going to hold up to my rough nature. I was afraid it would break at the same places He had just melded it back together. I was thrilled to have it back in one piece, but terrified I was going to damage it again.  
Sure enough, eventually I did damage it again and once more, my Father took it in His hands and like a Master craftsman, He put it back together again. I noticed that every time I broke it, and He fixed it–and it never broke back in the same spots. For those were repairs that only the Father could make.
It seems that my Father has abundant patience with me. A child prone to wander–a child so rough that I’m continually coming back to ask for His perfect forgiveness and restoration. His love is perfect. He will rightly chasten me when needed-for He is a just God. But He is also willing to forgive when I come to Him with a fully repentant heart.

Kind of reminds me of this song..